You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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