Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
