Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
