Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
