Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
