when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
