This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
