the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize