Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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