I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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