I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
