i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
two words: eviction party
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
