he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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