we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
