he puts the penis in happiness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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