Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
