Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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