D3 body, D1 cock
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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