lets start a swedish sibling band together
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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