I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize