Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
