She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize