I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
