Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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