remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
