i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
