The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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