I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
