i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
