singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
