So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
