dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
