Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
