My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
