Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
