A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
