He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize