She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
