My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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