the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
