oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
