So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
