he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
