How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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