Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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