If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
