Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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