I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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