why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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