our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
