my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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