I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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