guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am midnight drunk by noon
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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