i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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