My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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