I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize