there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
