There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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