please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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