ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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