apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
