I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
