she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's paint friendship bongs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My ass is underappreciated
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
