...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
