White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
