well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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